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giolythe
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Interests: RPGs in general, adventure games (side scroller), reading, writing, scribbbling, card games ie Magic: the gathering, yu-gi-oh, pokemon (period), not much to me is there?
meh, random things to put up here soon, as soon as it comes up... oh well
bland i am like pavement around me.
Expertise: What's that? Or is it this?
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/20/2004
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| ..so trying to think but really able to... just goes back to thoughts
of the past. no real thought of here and now nor or what could be just
then, and there, what happened.
so horrible when it comes to people... be it descisions, suggestions,
or really anything. Letting people go back to the ones who hurt them.
Could have stopped but didn't... later told that was a stupid thing to
do... very stupid. Would I change it if I could... I don't know.
People make their own choices, I have problems with my own, I don't
want to choose someone elses. Be it for good or bad. I guess I
remember this so well just because I was told it was so stupid to do...
and yet I don't regret it, don't think I'll change it. The past is
done, so why keep thinking it? I don't know.
You can tell the people who hurt on the inside by what they do on the
outside. I insult most everyone, just cover the hurt that's been done
to me. Rather stupid thing to do too, but I still do it.
...there are a lot of things I should change, and yet I still do the same like I always do.
...I seem to be able to type without picking at the keys, dunno when
that happened. Usually need to see all the keys and type from there,
and yet still make typos.
Anyway.... *sighs*
random: not sure which I like listening to most... Lostprophets, Rise
Against, Kamelot, or SR-71. Though I have a bunch of Linkin Park CDs,
just not having the effect on me like it used to. Just listens and
moves on. The others have multiple songs I'll stop and pay attention
to.
not that any of that info matters to anyone. More of just talking to myself...
inferiority complex. Always seeing myself less than another. Not
accepting any sort of compliment. Kinda surprised that I spelled that
correctly since I haven't needed to before, but anyway. Always lower
than another, usually just one person... waste of space.
...though by defition not that complex since I'm not one prone to be
aggressive, once in a while maybe, but not really... simply just
depression... but anyway.
I should reread the Last Herald-Mage. Haven't read that in a while...
like it too much to have it sit there and not do anything... though I
let someone else borrow it and now she's going through the series of
Valdemar so as to see what happens throughout the region history.
hmmm... seems I've made it a pattern to update once a month.
considering last time I put one up was basically one month ago, like
the past two have been as well.
..just the quiet with my thoughts... not a good idea. But nothing to
focus them on so that's all I have just the thoughts of the past. I am
the past since it made me. . . I should take action, change what I am,
by changing the now, so when it is the past, that'll be a part of me,
but I'm too lazy to change. Too lazy to do anything, be for the better
of myself, or to make things harder...
...considering how self diagnosis has it's faults. I think I might be
bi-polar... though probably just depression, but once in a while...
rather hyper, but that usually requires being awake for 10+ hours, not
eating until roughly the 9th hour or so... at least that's the last
time that I recall that happening. Though in the end, that doesn't
matter since the depression is the one I usually sit through,
apathetically.
...thats all i got for now.....
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| ...so freakin' bored.... no motivation to really do anything here. Did quick check on normal places and now... nothing.
Waiting for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Monster Hunter Freedom 2... and that's about it.
Playing Etrian Odyssey. Rather obsessively... I know I put in at least 70+ hours since I've got it... the only problem is that it doesn't log hours so I really don't know. I don't really want to do anything, though I still need to beat the game, I just don't feel like getting up and grabbing and playing it.
Found I still suck at Puzzle League. Though considering how my touchscreen is dieing that doesn't help much either. A bunch of games I still need to play, but following the reason above, just don't care to.
If I wasn't so horrible at real time games I may play them more. Thing is I'm no good at them, regardless of practice. Then of course I don't learn strategies, I just repeat the same thing over and over, watching it fail. Homeworld 2 can't beat the computer at hard... usually have problems even trying to beat normal, same with Command and Conquer 3...usually losing on normal. Can't do the fps thing... Only MMO I play is FFXI and even then haven't touched that for a long time and probably won't go back to it. I may go for Phantasy Star Universe, but again no real reason to. Like the game, but why bother? No one I know plays it...
... I can't even really be distracted with music... that's odd as usually I can just pay attention to that and pass time by, but that's not working... so just bored... very bored.
Would be nice if I were with someone now, then I wouldn't be bored "as much."
yet I'd find a way to make things uncomfortable... I just have a knack for annoying people. *sighs*
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| finally bought Kamelot's new cd Ghost Opera, vid Ghost Opera. The whole reason why I wanted the cd. Gonna listen in a bit. Also got Linkin Parks new one too.
Things are finally doing better than they have been for a while.
Motivated finally. Gonna save more money, aim to get drivers liscense
and try to move out. So very tired of my family... Still missing my
Pokemon Pearl.
Today's Pokemon Tournament went pretty well. Some people have no idea
what to do with the Pokemon while some know quite a bit. The announcer
isn't that annoying, but I haven't been annoid with him before anyway
so that doesn't really matter.
Considering I've been off island for 2 weeks I haven't had a chance to
play Pokemon Battel Revoultion yet. I want the Surfing, Volt-tackling
Pikachu, it's too bad it has a "hardy" nature (neutral no stats up or
down).
Gotta see if I can get SR-71's "Here We Come Again" cd at a better
price than what I've seen. $36.98 is a bit much for one cd. Want two
songs from it "1985" and "Axl Rose" fun songs those, and I wonder how
the rest will be but later that will be since I can't get the cd now.
Sam Goody doesn't carry in store and Barnes and Nobles only has it as a
send to home only with the listed price.
...oh. The reason for the price... It's only available as an Import...
*sigh* The price is high, but makes sense now. I'll buy for that
price, but too bad not cheaper. *shrug* 2 good songs and I'll have
them at hig quality, which is what I'm looking for. *checks ebay
doesn't find any, checks amazon.co.uk Either 50.00(pounds, British
currency basically 'bout $100.00), checks amazon.com $498.66* You've
got to be kidding me, $500 for that... wow... I don't know what to say
on that. Going to Barnes tomorrow and order there... maybe get
employee discount (doubt that) since I do that at store.
The forum is either being weird on me showing little updates, or it has actually quieted down... *shrug* oh well either way.
...Bought Puzzle League. Don't know why though. I've gotten a little
better witht the amount I've been playing but still suck at the game.
I like the item battle though, makes for interesting play, though I
really hate how the comp will almost always wait to use the random
rotate item when I'm trying to combo garbage blocks and then I lose.
That has happened several times... I can do normal mode, but not
consistently so not gonna touch hard since that'll probably just serve
my ass to me.
Quickspot is still a good game. Photo hunt with Namco/Bandai stuff.
Too bad not all the pics are available for easy view. Only 150 are
available to look at when you like, the other 100+ is only available
for about 30 secs as you play the game. Klonoa, yay. It is more than
worth the $20 I paid for it. Too bad they stopped shipping it to
Gamestop (or simply stopped making it entirely).
Super Smash Bros. Brawl, December 3rd. I'll reserve that as soon as I
can, hopefully in the next few days. New characters, new items, new
stages, new Pokemon, new ways to fight (trophie items), and then there
are all the returning stuff too. Kirby and MetaKnight fun.
Gotta go to library soon. Read something. Haven't for a while.
Either that or get my book back and reread The Last Herald-Mage. Need
to see which Xanth books are out and see if anything new by Mercedes
Lackey has come in. Also should read more of the Dragon Lance series,
just not getting to Library to do so. A lot to read, lots of time to
do so... just so lazy. Soon enough, just work on learning to drive and
then I'll be able to without walking... lazy much? yes.
Also gotta figure about this partition thing set up on my laptop. Not
sure how it works per se. Just not sure if it'll keep everything as is
or do something it shouldn't. Anyway, I'll figure that out soon
enough. Would prefer the simple single hard drive but as I can't
program and know just about nothing about computers.... yeah.
Too bad I can't get Klonoa to work properly on my PSP... like the
game. Like the music (which I bought the soundtrack for), I like the
story but it doesn't help when it freezes right before a movie and
proceeds to go beyond it without the movie... *sigh* gotta figure that
one out too. Silent Hill works fine, but that's not a game I really
want. I should try it though but still haven't done anything on it.
...That's all I got for now. Maybe more another day, maybe.
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| I've said it before... I'll say it again... and probably keep doing so. Just complaining....
Kinda tired of Pokemon... well not tired, just don't feel motivated to make a team.
Just being lazy. Was supposed to prep little for trip but haven't done anything. Although it's only packing, well for the most part. Gotta drop a PSP to 1.5 firmware. Wash clothes, but since I work until day before I go, need to wash again. Should put more songs on PSP, but too lazy. Also not tired of the songs on there, though sometimes I may not be in the mode for the song.
Think I should pick up another game... maybe Puzzle League, though that I fail at quite well, so I really shouldn't.
It'll be interesting being away from people for a couple of weeks. No family to be bothered with, though I worry for my stuff since I know they'll go through it. They do so anyway, and that's why I'm missing my Pearl version.
Should also go listen to new music... but lazy. I continue to be lazy... need to break that habit. Along with other ones I can't think of right now, but I know they're there.
I can't really be pressured to do things... both good and bad, that is. Need to be more motivated at work, be enthusiastic... I'm not though. I just take everything thrown at me and continue forward, almost.
Random: there are a lot of meaning for "throw".... "throw out the baby with the bathwater" ,,, never heard of that saying before, but apparently it means "toss out the good with the bad", odd.
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| and then sometimes I feel like crap for no reason... I need to get over
my inferiority complex. There is nothing wrong and nothing to worry
about and yet I still do. Just feel like nothing... easily replaced.
Almost jealous of others, I just hate myself before I blame anyone
else. I am not what I am not... can't do much about that... don't like
(said hate) that.
And then I just return to what keeps me busy. Sticking with games so I don't need to think, don't need to do anything.
It just seems shallow. I do it without thinking... hopefully I'm not
just playing, but I don't know myself. Leave me alone with myself and
that's all I'll believe there is. Keep me distracted and I think of
nothing, just react. So are the actions I take because I want to do
them, or because they're "expected?" I just don't want to screw up
again, like I've done so many times before. I am my mistakes, not the
results that occurred from them. Keep everyone away, just easier than
anything else.
I just keeping from The Last Herald-Mage. He kept everyone away,
almost everyone. Let people in and lived a better/happier life. I
don't know if that could happen for me, so I'll just stick with what I
know and that's keep others out.
Does it make me a better person since I ask these questions? No. What
is said and what is done are two separate things. What I do is what I
am, not what I say, though a lot of meaning goes into what I say,
whether or not I think before I speak. (more often than not I don't
think)
controlling... I want control, but I don't need control. I want
knowledge to help with that control, but can't obtain it. I hate
mistakes I do, I can see others do a mistake, and I'll explain away
his/her own but not mine. I shouldn't make mistakes, I know what is
correct and yet I still do the wrong thing.
My body is sore. Don't want to move. It's just 'cause I feel "sorry"
for myself. How I feel like crap. My body is fine. If nothing else
I'm healthier than most people. Regardless of the fact I'm technically
underweight by at least 10 pounds. Don't get sick to the point where I
can't do stuff, shoot, the times I get "sick" consist of me being lazy,
so I don't want to do anything (to include work) and being cold at
night (considering how it's rather stuffy here with no breeze). Had
Chicken Pox waaaaaaaaaaaaay back but never caught herpes at all though
most people in the US have (only about 5% haven't somehow gotten it,
usually as a child) and even with the pox thing, the only reason why I
got it, was because a cousin came by with it and we all caught it. On
a trip everyone else but myself got pink eye. Just not athletic, no
stamina at all, in so many different kinds of ways...
Greedy beyond belief. Want everything my way. Want more stuff than I
need. Want what I can't have. All that I want without effort of
actually trying to get it. Just want it to happen and that's it, the
end of that. Things don't happen like that so I sulk and don't do
anything about it.
But from it all, regardless of what I say, think or do, I just
continue. Rather aimlessly as it is, I still just go forward, though
I'd like to not move I move even when not, since time continues. *runs
away*
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